With or Without You
by Slainteru
Summary: songfic, BSFL. i can't be with or without you...
1. Prologue

**The song is "With Or Without You" by Dope.  
****The characters are totally Joss Whedons, and all places and celebrity mentions are in every way coincidental.  
****This is a song fic, BS/FL, so if you don't like gay people, piss off. Please.****R&R is very much appreciated, even if it is flames (means I get to diss YOUR story, fool!)  
****Here tis lovers;**

**With or Without You**

_I'll do my time and I won't argue  
A broken glass a portrait of you  
I play on keys of barely in tune  
Forget the reasons I won't resume  
It's not me who wanted fame  
I just needed to _

I've been looking out the cell window for a long time now. How I wish I were out there, but I can't be, I have to repent for all I've done. Murder, torture, general acts of evil. My past isn't a pretty one. And until I had thrown it all away for a purebred demon, I never realized how lucky I'd become during my stay in Sunnydale. Sunnyhell. Hahaha, I crack myself up, in that bitter fucking sweet way. I should be out there, killing vampires, averting the apocalypses (all eight to what? Fifteen, twenty of them?) And most importantly, I should be with her. 

I cash my life and lost my ID  
Apathy is all I see  
Leave the numbers all behind me  
You are all I've got inside me  
I don't need to be encaged  
I just need to rearrange

It's a funny world, not working out when it should. I'm the only Slayer again, since Faith is in prison. Even though she's in L.A., I can still feel her emotions through our Slayer connection. It's...so sad, so frayed and torn...I wish that there was something I could do to repair it and heal her. I can tell she wasn't really evil. It's just that she made some wrong choices, got manipulated, and went down the wrong path. And now she's repenting. I just wish I could forgive her, but I feel like there's nothing that needs forgiving. I should see her soon and ask her.

I can't see you anymore  
I can't leave right out the door  
After all that we've been through  
I can't be with or without you

The weight room's okay. I just spend all my time pounding a punching bag. I always split a seam, I wish that it was because I was angry at someone, but I'm just pissed at me. I should've been smarter, I could've seen I was being used, I could've stayed out of trouble and then I'd be near her. But it hurts, and the worst part is I can feel her through this Slayer connection shit that Giles once told us about. She's worried, but about what I don't know. I can also feel a spark of...something there, but I don't know what it is. Might just be for her Beefstick. Riley, whatever. I just wish she'd visit me. I need her to forgive me for what I've done.  
_  
You finally made it on TV  
It's not the way you hoped it'd be  
and all the pain of the insanity  
was this ever meant to be  
And I don't think that I am thee  
one that you keep telling me_

I'm in the jail, near the little phones and booths. A guard just went to get Faith. I don't know why I came anyways. It felt like I was being pulled here...and I can feel her through the Connection much more clearly. She's hurting and wanting, but there's a spark of something that I can't quite identify, but it's a nice spark, like happiness or love or something. The guard comes in, and Faith comes in with him. She looks so wretched in her orange suit and her hair not straightened or dyed. It's a really beautiful shade of brown, and the way it curls around the ends...why doesn't she keep it like this more often? She picks up the phone.

It's tearing us up  
And it's breaking me down  
All I'll be, I'll be  
With or without you

"Hey B." it's a croak. My goddamn fucking voice comes out as a godfucking CROAK."Hi." she says. It sounds a little rough, maybe she croaked too. Huh.

"So...to what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?" I say, meaning every word of it."I don't know...I felt pulled here by something." she's very confused. So am I.

"Pulled? How? Is there something I can..." I trail off. Bad Faith, BAD! That is off-limits.

"...Faith, are you okay? I can feel you through the connection, and it's not pleasant." oh, she's worried about me...that's bad...so why do I feel so good? Obviously she can feel my shift in mood.

"Faith? Wanna explain this to me?" she's genuinely confused, starting to freak out?

"I don't know. I guess I want someone other than Angels gang to visit, and since Red, Xander and Giles have less than welcoming feelings toward me, I figured you'd at least care enough to come visit a fuck-up." oh shit, why am I tearing up? I'm Faith, bad-ass, I'm Faith, bad- ass...damn not working. No doubt she can feel the big and subtle shifts in my mood...Damn. I let my hair fall a little into my face so I don't have to look her in the eyes.

"Faith...?" she reaches up, no doubt to try to move my hair. Tries to because she's stopped by the glass. I smirk and she laughs.

_I can't see you anymore  
I can't leave right out the door  
After all that we've been through  
I can't be with or without you  
_  
I've been visiting Faith for about four months now, and for some reason I've not told anyone except Giles. He's good at handling these things. The last time I visited Faith, she held her hand up, and put it near mine on the glass, so if there was no glass our hands would be touching at the palms through fingers. And I'm getting more warm-and-fuzzy feelings, and the spark has intensified to a freaking inferno of intense good-feeling type of emotion. As a result, I've become more intent on visiting her, and we'll just talk for hours. I've ended up spending a week there just to talk to her. And help Angels crew avert another apocalypse (again). But we're talking a lot, and I know so much more. About her, about me, about life and love and all that. The connection's grown so much more, I just can't believe it. It's like we're lovers, like Willow and Tara. Whoa, did I just say 'lovers'? We're just getting more intimate, that's all...

No, wait. Riley's been giving me all this "it's military stuff, butt out" shit, and Faith has let me in. I've got a connection with Faith, and Riley barely calls me anymore. And his hair is just ugly.

I throw on a jacket and grab a cab to L.A. Time to tell her how I feel, how I've felt. And damn, it feels so good!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**May be edited later. Might evolve into a chapter story. I love Faith/Buffy pairings. I'm a dork. But enjoy the fic, give me reviews and read it, cuz I worked pretty hard on getting the stuff. Well, not really, but I like to think that. ;**

**Shorty**


	2. Hidden Messages in Babbling

**With Or Without You -Longer Version**

**As those of you who requested it know, this is the chapter version of the songfic. It starts when Buffy left to tell Faith her realization, will have parts of the song and possibly another song in it. If you don't like stories with lesbians or gay peoples, then kindly piss off and go read a conservative pamphlet. Everything Buffy is Joss Whedons, the songs are works of Dope. Yes that is a band. R&R, flame, whatever. At least I know you read it.**

**Chapter One**

_I'll do my time and I won't argue  
__A broken glass a portrait of you  
__I play on keys barely in tune  
__Forget the reasons I won't resume-_

I'm still staring out that window. I can feel her more clearly, even the little emotions. Right now...right now she's just had a realization, and I think she's coming to tell me, as the connection is getting larger. Apparently the more we get to know each other, the deeper and more mature the connection gets. Angel visits too, and I think he can tell that I want her. He does that whole "mysterious-enigmatic-cryptic-smile" thing that royally annoys the living fuck out of me. Anyways, he doesn't try to rip my face off or anything, so I think he's okay with it, I'm not sure. I know he still has feelings for Buffy, but with Cordelia...hey, I'm just sayin'. It's not much, but it could grow, you know what I mean? Today another prisoner snuck some smokes into the cells...my first in a hell of a long time. It calmed me down, and it felt a little like the old me. Fearless, bad-ass rebel Faith. Pre-first human killed. I feel the connection come closer until it feels like fucking fire four centimeters from my face. But in a good way. If you get me.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I'm at the jail house, the warden looks up and smiles as he recognizes me. He's really nice, he gave me a donut a few months ago...too bad he's got such a crappy job, he'd make a superb grandpa to someone. He gives me another warm smile as the female guard comes for me. She gives me a once over, looks me square in the eyes, and grunts. She's one of those people.

"You're here for Faith, yeah?" and she has mega-smokers voice. Not like Faiths, which is husky in a sexy way. I nod, and she grunts again, opens a gate and I walk through. There are the familiar little cubes divided by planks of puke-grey plastic, with the little black phones on the side. I sit, and tap the little ledge on my side. I wipe my now-sweating hands on my pants -ew- I start tapping again. How long does it take to get a prisoner out and to the talking areas, anyways? The big slayer mojo connection is burning me up inside, and I'm getting supremely nervous. Where the hell is she? Is she walking slower than a snail or something? I'm about to start chewing my nails when the door opens and she walks in, orange suit on and smiling. I've never seen her smile. Smirk, yes, but never a real smile. Despite all those cigarettes she's smoked, her teeth are white. Her hair's beautiful as ever, I really do hope that she'll keep it that way when she gets out. She sits down and takes the phone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey B, what's happening?" I ask, trying to keep my smokers voice under control. She gives me a look and smiles a tiny, tiny smile.

"Not much, Riley's been going off more and more at night to 'eliminate the hostiles,' as he puts it. Willow and Tara are living together now, Xander and Anya have their own apartment, and Giles is...well, Giles has been...OH! He has a new car." she pauses for a moment, thinking. "It's a BMW, and it's red." I just stare and nod. The connection's getting too fucking distracting, and I can see she feels it too. It feels like...well the best way to describe it would be intense sexual tension, but lets not get ahead of ourselves, shall we?

"Sounds pretty rad B." smirk. I like to smirk, I can't help it, it's a natural reaction to amusing news. Or news in general. She gives an uncomfortable smile, and I sense the serious shift in her demeanor. She looks at me and clears her throat a little too loudly.

"Um, Faith? The...connection, it's a little funky. And it's not bad funky, it's just weird, because I can feel it now and it's really intense. What the hell's happening? It's very confusing and weird and strange and I think it's kind of nice but it weirds me out!" I'm very quiet, letting her release it all, taking it in and comparing it with my feelings. You wouldn't think it, but I'm a good listener and sort of intelligent when it comes to confusing. But this is over my head. I swallow, lick my lips and let her go on. I could let her go on and on and on and on and on until I was just a skeleton. The way she's going on, that's probably going to happen.

"...and then, I feel this huge feeling of happiness, and do you KNOW how distracting that is when you're fighting Dracula? I'm so confused and you're just looking at me like I'm crazy but I'm not I swear and I'm going to find out why this is and I think I might be falling in love with you but I'm not sure of that either and my sister's being a pest and totally ruining my life..."

Did I just hear what I think (and hope) I heard? Holy shit I think I did. Wow.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I'm just rambling on, and I think she got my disguised comment, cuz the connection just shifted ever so little. Maybe she's doing that thing where she hides all her emotions...nope, that priceless look of confusion mixed with shock and I think a little bit of happiness is forming. _Note to self: have camera to capture that look._

"So, Faith, how's life?" I finish. She snaps out of it. Damn, it was SO darn-tootin' cute!

"I-uh...ummm..." Smokers voice coming through. Must be cuz she's nervous. Oh, now SHE'S starting to babble. I love it! Wait, better tune in:

"...So I kick that _puta _in the face, and she totally grabs my hair. But I've already prepared, and so she's on the floor in three seconds flat! Then the guards came. Life's been kind of boring cuz of all the same stuff we do, but I mostly look out the window and daydream about being outside, with you cuz I think I'm kinda falling for you too. Redemption's so hard, no wonder Angel's been at it so long and is such a dark one, it's so damn BORING!!!" she says.

Oh boy, did she just cleverly disguise that confession? Clever Faith, she DID! Wow, must be a skill we both share and- wait, what the fuck am I thinking?! She just said she's falling for me. Oh wow, oh wow...oh WOW...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Both Slayers returned to their respective abodes (the Summers home, cell block 288C) with numb happiness: they just spat out their worst, yet least hidden secret to each other. Oh, think of what the next visit might bring...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**How cliche of me to put "their worst, yet least hidden secret." oh well. The next chapter's gonna be coming soon. I have NOTHING to do this weekend, so yeah. Oh, I got my hair straightened, too. It looks pretty rad. **

**Peace,**

**Shorty**


End file.
